


in the silence of your secrets

by BelWatson



Series: for all the SoonWoo feels [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Character, Confessions, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 08:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12317046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelWatson/pseuds/BelWatson
Summary: “I don’t like when you get sick, so don’t force yourself to be here if you’re not feeling well yet. I prefer missing you another day rather than seeing you sick or in pain.” Wonwoo just hummed in reply and Soonyoung continued his ministrations. “I love you, Won-ah, don’t get sick.”“Okay,” Wonwoo promised, groggily, making Soonyoung smile with ultimate fondness.Back then he still didn’t know how deep that love was. He didn’t know the reason why he loved Wonwoo the best wasn’t because they were best friends. He just assumed it was normal to love your best friend and think he was the best, feel a hole in your chest when he wasn’t around, projecting your life always including him as an important part of it. That wasn’t special or different, it was just how you loved a best friend.or, Soonyoung realises he is in love with Wonwoo, and its unrequitedness threatens his life.





	in the silence of your secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea in my head yesterday and I couldn't get rid of it so I wrote it. I just wanted a bit of light angst with Hanahaki, I think. Anyhow, I managed not to kill anyone so yay! I hope you enjoy it, if you do, let me know on the comments!

The deepest secrets are the most dangerous type. They promise destruction when they are out, a revolution and change in everything, a domino effect that will wrack everything you know and leave you standing on just ashes of what you once knew. 

But, if you keep those type of secrets, they can kill you. In the most beautiful way, with a wide range of colours like a rainbow, as majestic and impossible, but as deadly as the sharpest knife.

That kind of secret is love. Unrequited love. And Known Soonyoung knows about that better than anyone.

_____________________

He was a young naive kid, barely a teenager when he met Jeon Wonwoo, and his world changed. He met a best friend, someone so different yet impossibly capable of understanding and accepting Soonyoung. As much as he gave to Wonwoo, freely, out of the depths of his heart, his friend reciprocated with the same fondness. Two young kids becoming best friends as they struggled to achieve their dream, to stand on that stage and let the world sing along to their feelings and thoughts.

At first, Soonyoung was oblivious to his own feelings. He knew he loved Wonwoo but he never really thought about it, never questioned the nature of that love. For his young self, cuddling Wonwoo, leaning on Wonwoo every chance he got, needing Wonwoo when he was sad, missing Wonwoo the most when he was away, worrying about Wonwoo every day, getting jealous of others getting too close to Wonwoo… all that was normal, it was how best friends were supposed to feel.

(“Are you feeling better?” Soonyoung asked one day, after Wonwoo had been absent for two days in a row for catching a bad cold that left him bedridden and away from everyone else to avoid them catching the virus as well.

“Yes. I’m still a bit tired and more sloppy, but I don’t have a fever and I can join the lessons and practice,” Wonwoo answered with a sleepy smile, droopy eyes and rounded shoulders, the clear picture of exhaustion.

“You still look sick, though.” Soonyoung felt his own heart twisting in worry, wanting to take him back to his room even if that meant not seeing him another day, missing him another day. “Come with me,” he urged. “There’s still some time before we start.”

Comfortably, Soonyoung grabbed his friend’s wrist, his fingers easily looping around the thin and bony wrist, as he led them to a corner where he made Wonwoo sit and then he did the same, by his side.

Wonwoo looked at him with a curious expression, but Soonyoung didn’t mind as he patted his lap with an expectant look. 

“What are you waiting for? Lay down, get some more rest before the lesson,” he explained and watched how fondness tugged the corners of Wonwoo’s lips upwards in a small smile, but as beautiful as always.

Wonwoo did lay down his head on Soonyoung’s lap, and he immediately starting running his fingers through the soft strands, soothing and comforting. He saw Wonwoo’s body relaxing and he heard the pleased sigh.

“I don’t like when you get sick, so don’t force yourself to be here if you’re not feeling well yet. I prefer missing you another day rather than seeing you sick or in pain.” Wonwoo just hummed in reply and Soonyoung continued his ministrations. “I love you, Won-ah, don’t get sick.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo promised, groggily, making Soonyoung smile with ultimate fondness.)

Back then he still didn’t know how deep that love was. He didn’t know the reason why he loved Wonwoo the best wasn’t because they were best friends. He just assumed it was normal to love your best friend and think he was the best, feel a hole in your chest when he wasn’t around, projecting your life always including him as an important part of it. That wasn’t special or different, it was just how you loved a best friend.

But as time passed, as they grew older, Soonyoung started to realise something was different. In his defence, he hadn’t had the time to question himself, either busy and tired with training or just too content by Wonwoo’s side. But as his group was formed and getting more solid, Soonyoung started to notice his friend’s showing clear interest in girls. Either female trainers or their seniors, and every time anyone pointed a pretty girl, Soonyoung just hummed appreciatively, but in his head he always thought Wonwoo was far better.

Not much later, when others pointed at how handsome some other male trainees were, or their seniors, Soonyoung was more interested and even active in comment on the topic, which led him to realise that he preferred boys over girls. 

That he kept as a secret for a long time, from friends and family because living in a country were homosexuality was still so frown upon, misunderstood, and rejected, he was scared. He was still a kid, a kid who wanted to become an idol. Even if fans fantasised and shipped male idols among them, the vast majority didn’t accept it if it was real. They would still call him names and tell him to kill himself, that was what so many netizens did and it terrified Soonyoung.

However, as time went by and he came to understand his sexuality even better, the secret became more suffocating, the fear more consuming and the need to feel validated and reassured more demanding. He would wake up from nightmares where his secret got out and netizens found out and attacked him, over and over again telling him to kill himself, to burn in hell and many other sort of hateful comments. The worst nightmares were those in which his friends turned their backs on him, even if some of them were open about their sexuality. When he dreamed Wonwoo telling him to never touch him again, Soonyoung woke up screaming and crying.

(What did you dream about? Why were you crying so much?” Wonwoo asked over and over again after that dream. It traumatised Soonyoung so much he didn’t want to sleep again. He had managed to stay awake for two days with energy drinks and coffee, so much coffee. “Soonyoung!”

“It was just a bad dream,” Soonyoung replied, afraid of telling the truth and making that nightmare into a reality.

“You haven’t slept in two days! You didn’t stop crying in four hours after that. It wasn’t just a bad dream, Soonyoung. Tell me what was it, please?” His friend begged, crouching in front of him in a corner of their rehearsing room, grabbing his hands and pleading with his narrow eyes that were dark with worry. “Please.”

“I—I dreamed you… you stopped being my friend. That you hated me and told me to never touch you again,” Soonyoung confessed because he couldn’t say no to Wonwoo, because he didn’t want to see his precious friend worried, and because he was weak due to lack of sleep.

“What?” Wonwoo blurted out, brow knitted in confusion. “That would never happen. Why on Earth would I say that?”

“Because… because you found out that… that I’m gay,” Soonyoung breathed out, so low that it couldn’t be heard, that it got lost in the hullabaloo of laughter and conversation around. 

But Wonwoo either heard it or read his lips because his expression changed, it became blank and Soonyoung felt the terror eating him alive.

“That’s stupid,” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung felt his heart breaking, the rejection slapping him with an iron hand, breaking his bones and crushing his soul. He couldn’t breathe and he knew he would start crying in that moment. “That isn’t a reason to stop being friends. Whether you’re gay or not, you’re still Soonyoung, my best friend. Nothing changes the person you are, and more especially not your sexual orientation. I can’t believe you were afraid of telling me!”

Soonyoung blinked, his heart hesitant to beat because could it be true? Could it be that Wonwoo was accepting him that easily?

“You… you’re not disgusted or shocked?” He asked softly, still somewhat scared.

“No offence, but we all kinda knew already. You aren’t exactly subtle, Soon-ah,” Wonwoo laughed, ruffling his hair in the most affectionate way. “Don’t be scared, we love you and always love you. Unless you become a murder or rapist or pedophile. Those things we can’t forgive or look over.”

“Oh God, never that!” Soonyoung exclaimed and Wonwoo laughed, making way to hug him, pulling him tight in his arms.

“I know, I know,” Wonwoo whispered, patting his back softly. 

Soonyoung finally relaxed, hugging him back and burying his face in his shoulder, breathing in deeply and feeling so relieved.

“I love you so much, Won-ah. Please, never stop being my friend,” Soonyoung begged softly, clinging to Wonwoo.

“I’ll never stop being your friend,” Wonwoo promised and that was all what he needed.)

Not much later, with the freedom that came after coming out to his friends and even family (they had a harder time understanding it, what it mean, why, and all that. But with kindness and patience, Soonyoung made his family understand and their acceptance was granted), Soonyoung started to realise the love he felt for Wonwoo was different, not just as friends. He adored his other members, but not even one of them got close to how he loved Wonwoo. No one else made this heart beat faster, wilder, stronger. No one made him feel like there was something alive inside of him, screaming to be acknowledged and named. No one else made him ache with longing. No one else made him dream of a future together, as a family. And most definitely, no one made him wake up with a wild heart and wet sheet that he’ll have to wash in silence and secret, embarrassed that it was Wonwoo who protagonist his wet dreams, every time.

It became evident he didn’t just love Wonwoo, he was in love with his best friend. And that was a secret he definitely couldn’t share.

Realising his feelings gave him some peace of mind, it soothed the beast in his guts that finally felt accepted and stopped roaring. But the beast wasn’t happy because it wanted to be loved back, and that wasn’t possible. 

_Wonwoo doesn’t feel the same way, please understand it._

But what twisted and clawed at his insides didn’t understand, it wanted to be loved, it demanded to be loved or it would destroy. The more Soonyoung repeated it couldn’t be, it wouldn’t be, the more vicious the beast grew.

The pain that Soonyoung started to feel was blinding, deafening, numbing and suffocating. It made him scream at night because he felt like he was being torn in two and a few times he ended in the hospital treated for stress. But Soonyoung knew it was something else, he felt it was a monster inside of him roaring again because it needed to be loved, not just acknowledged. 

(“Wonwoo-yah,” Soonyoung called one day, feeling feeble after a sleepless night because the claws of his monster wouldn’t let him fall asleep. He went to Wonwoo’s bed where his friend was reading, enjoying their little free time now that he had finally debuted. He cuddled up to his friend, finding just a bit of calm by his side.

“Neh? Is there anything wrong? You look pale,” Wonwoo commented as Soonyoung cuddled up to him, closing his eyes and just breathing without aching. 

“Im just tired,” he replied, not opening his eyes and just waiting for Wonwoo to accept his answer and go back to his book. It was a while later when he asked: “Do you have someone special?” 

“Many people,” answered the recently debuted idol.

“No, I mean special as in a romantic way,” Soonyoung clarified, feeling the monster in his guts stirring at the topic, the possibility. 

“Aaaah,” Wonwoo mumbled, understanding and then stopping to think. “I don’t think so? I mean, I haven’t even thought about it and it’s not like we are allowed to date so it just seems painful. It’s better if I don’t even think about it.”

“Oh,” Soonyoung agreed, feeling his own heart twisting in pain, in realisation that it wasn’t mutual. The claws of his monster attacked, getting a hold of his heart and twisting it, squeezing it and tearing it open, making him feel like he was dying, right there, by Wonwoo’s side. “Yeah, you’re right, it would be so painful.”

Deadly painful.)

The pain became worse, every day, every week, every month Soonyoung felt closer to death than to life. It was hard to breathe, almost impossible to sleep, and everything he ate came back with agonising nausea that left him hugging the toilet for hours, crying in silence. It was like the monster inside of him was growing larger and it was killing him a little bit every day, but Soonyoung carried on.

Comeback after comeback. Performance after performance. Fansign after fansign. Shooting after shooting. One thing after the other, Soonyoung continued, smiling and acting as if nothing was wrong, as if he didn’t feel like there was something in his ribcage trying to destroy his heart. He acted happy and vibrant, a fake and thick lie as the makeup that made him look healthy and perfect, but without it he looked closer to a corpse. Pale like the dead, with dark eye bags like raccoon and a body that got thinner and thinner because he couldn’t keep food inside.

Everyone assumed it was stress, Soonyoung was overworking himself. The doctors said so, the many times he ended up staying in the hospital overnight with a sedative and an IV to do something about his malnourishment. But Soonyoung knew it was something else, he just didn’t know what it was.

He got a name for it when things got worse, when he woke up dry heaving, his vision blurry and his body spasming. He dragged himself to the bathroom, not wanting to awake any of the others, but not quiet enough because he was found not much later in the bathroom, crying, petals covered in blood in his hands.

(Hyung! Oh my God, what happened?” Minghao exclaimed, opening the door to the bathroom and finding him there, still crying after coughing white petals that were painted with blood in the more gruesome and horrifying scene he had ever witnessed. 

One moment he was feeling like dying, like the monster inside him was trying to make way through his oesophagus, clawing upwards, to the exterior, tearing the walls ruthlessly. The next moment Soonyoung was coughing petals, flower petals all covered in blood.

In shock and horror, he fell to the floor, his knees unable to hold him. And on the floor, he broke out crying because he didn’t know what else to do, and that was how Minghao found him.

“I’m dying,” Soonyoung muttered, his eyes pooled with so many tears he couldn’t see Minghao, who rushed to his side, wiping his tears, his hands shaking as if he didn’t know how to touch him.

“No, you’re not dying, okay? This… this… this is…” the poor boy didn’t have words, and neither did Soonyoung. His heart ached even more when he saw Minghao’s eyes filling with tears, as well. “You’ll be fine. You’re not dying,” he insisted but there, in the bathroom, the two of them knew it wasn’t like that. This was serious, this was scary, this was killing Soonyoung.)

Minghao went with Soonyoung to the doctor, the petals collected and hidden from everyone else. Soonyoung had to beg his friend, saying he didn’t want to make the others worry when they didn’t even know what it was. Minghao agreed with a runny nose and puffy bloodshot eyes.

To the doctor they showed the petals and Soonyoung explained the situation, but the doctor didn’t need much context to know exactly the problem. Such symptoms were too rare, too unique to mistake for anything but one thing.

_Hanahaki disease_. 

It was foreign, it was unknown for them and they had no clue what it meant, but the doctor summarised it in two words: unrequited love.

With calm, the doctor explained that Soonyoung had a plant inside him (not a monster like he felt), a weird mutation that was created due to the despair of unrequited love. A flower was growing inside of him, around his organs, blooming in the sadness and rejection.

Soonyoung knew the seed was Wonwoo.

(“Although odd, the occurrence of such disease isn’t as uncommon. There is treatment,” the doctor explained as Soonyoung listened to him carefully, clinging to Minghao’s hand for dear life. “You either get loved back, or you get it surgically removed. If you follow the latter option, all your feelings for the object of your affection will be removed as well. Some patients lose partial or the totality of their memories related with said object of affection.”

The horror of not loving Wonwoo, or not even remembering him made Soonyoung cold to the bone. He couldn’t breathe or think, he was just staring at the doctor as if like that the risks would change. 

“It is a hard decision, I understand. Only the deepest love can turn into this, thus it’s difficult to give it up. You can think about it, but if you don’t do anything about it, you won’t live more than six more months.”

“WHAT?!” Minghao screamed, more horrified than Soonyoung to hear his death sentence. “No, that cannot happen.”

“As it’s born out of unrequited love, it’s theoretically impossible to get the other person to love him back,” the doctor tells Minghao. “The best would be the surgery. It’s a delicate procedure, but I do know a professional with a hundred percent rate of success. I’ll give you his contact information, and when you make your mind, make an appointment.”

Soonyoung couldn’t move, so it was Minghao who accepted the card and thanked the doctor. The sentence was made, now Soonyoung only had to make a decision.)

With such sentence hanging upon his head, it was even harder to breathe. Soonyoung couldn’t think and couldn’t move, so he depended a lot on Minghao to get somewhere safe, somewhere where he could cry and break down. Somewhere where Minghao could ask “who?” But Soonyoung didn’t reply.

Soonyoung didn’t speak for days, no matter what the rest did or tried to force anything out of those lips, the idol was basically mute. Minghao that couldn’t stop crying wasn’t doing anything to help the other eleven members to understand or relax. Soonyoung just lied in his bed, face to the wall, ignoring everything and everyone. 

From his mouth more petals kept escaping every time he coughed. Death was taking him and Soonyoung was allowing it.

_____________________

“Hyung, please,” Minghao begs on the third day, hugging Soonyoung on his bed, body slightly trembling with muffled sobs. “If you’re not saying who, then get the surgery.”

Soonyoung doesn’t reply, all he can do is think of how he got to this point in his life, how could he love Wonwoo so deeply to grow a mutant plant in his body, a plant that was killing him? He cries in silence because he knows the plant only wants to be loved, it only wants Wonwoo to hold it and cherish it. It’s all what Soonyoung wants, as well, and all what he cannot have.

The pain of the plant isn’t as horrible as before because he’s numb. He coughs petals covered in blood, but he doesn’t even feel them, instead he just screams in his mind because he feels pressured to say goodbye to his love, to Wonwoo every time he grabs a petal in his red fingers.

Death isn’t as terrifying as forgetting Wonwoo.

“Hyung,” Minghao cries again, bringing him to the present, hugging him tight and making him wince in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sobbed, loosening up his arms. “But hyung, please. Let’s go to the doctor.”

“I can’t…” Soonyoung breathes out, voice hoarse from not speaking in days and damaged with so many petals that have come out. He’s hasn’t even bothered to hide them, Minghao told them already what the doctor said after the others pushed him to explain what was wrong. It caused for each member to come see him, asking either to tell him who or to just get the surgery. “I can’t… forget him.”

“What’s the point if you’re dying?!” Minghao screamed, too loud, too frantic. “If you don’t get the surgery you’ll die in six months, hyung. Six months! Who could be worth that?!”

“He… he’s… the most… special… person… for… me,” Soonyoung breathes out, slowly, with great pain and difficulty, petals getting stuck in his throat as he does.

“Hyung,” Minghao whines, parting his lips to say something else when the door bursts open, slamming so hard against the wall that it probably makes a dent, but that’s the most irrelevant thing. Through that door comes a furious Wonwoo, so angry it works to make Soonyoung move, sitting and crawling to the corner. Even Minghao jumps and squirms away from the oncoming storm that Wonwoo is.

“WHAT THE HELL, SOONYOUNG?!” He screams, stopping at the end of the bed to glare at Soonyoung. “I can’t keep hearing you talk like that, I won’t allow you to do this to yourself! I don’t care who that asshole is, but he’s not worth your life!”

Wonwoo… obviously Wonwoo knows, like everyone else, that Soonyoung is dying because he loves someone so much, so deeply, so purely, but that person doesn’t love him back. And they all blame that person for not loving him, without knowing it’s Wonwoo.

Soonyoung looks away, eyes teary again, his body aching so much but just because his bloody plant is crying to get closer to Wonwoo. Demanding to be closer.

He only shakes his head.

“NO! Don’t give me that shit, Soonyoung! You have to get that surgery and forget all about that imbecile. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

Soonyoung wants to scream because Wonwoo is insulting himself, he’s saying horrid things about the most special person for Soonyoung.

“No,” he breathes out, the only thing he’s capable of.

“Then tell me who. I’m gonna find him and make him love you, force him if I must. I’m not letting you die!” Wonwoo cries out, his voice breaking.

Soonyoung looks up and watches Wonwoo, noticing the red eyes, the dark bags, the ashy skin. The exhaustion making his body even bonier. Soonyoung sees clearly how worn out Wonwoo is, how heartbroken and worried, and he hates himself for causing that.

“You can’t force him,” Soonyoung whispers, wanting to reach for Wonwoo. He must understand what the faint inclination means, because he kneels on the mattress and crawls to Soonyoung, grabbing his hands and getting even closer.

Somehow they end up tangled up, limbs entwined, faces buried in each other, bodies trembling with silent sobs. Soonyoung feels his plant calm down and relish in the proximity, sighing in delight to have Wonwoo there, with him, the rest of the world disappearing. 

“Yes I can, and I will,” Wonwoo declares, clinging to Soonyoung. “I don’t care if it means losing you, as long as you don’t die. I can watch you with anyone, as long as you don’t die.”

Soonyoung wants to promise he won’t die, that he’ll be fine despite the petals and the blood, but he can’t lie that shamelessly. 

“Who is it? Whom do you love so much to end up like this?” Wonwoo asks, his voice breaking again, muffled in Soonyoung’s chest. “Why him?”

Soonyoung starts stroking Wonwoo’s hair, like he has done countless times when helping his friend relax and fall asleep. The acting is soothing for himself, so he closes his eyes and leans his head back.

“Because he’s beautiful. He… makes me feel happy with just a smile. He fills my heart with just one look. He understands me and doesn’t ask anything from me, he accepts me exactly how I am,” Soonyoung explains, tears falling from the corners of his eyes, sliding and disappearing in his own now blond hair as they trace his temples.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Wonwoo insists. “You deserve to be loved, unconditionally.”

“He loves me,” Soonyoung says with a sad smile and he can feel Wonwoo tensing in his arms. “Just not the same way I love him.”

“Why him… why not… not…” Wonwoo mumbles, clinging to Soonyoung more tightly, shaking ever so lightly, squeezing Soonyoung’s heart in worry.

How can he even consider forgetting about Wonwoo? When even the slightest tremor doesn’t go unnoticed? When he’s loved him for so many years? When he’s his best friend and the most special person for him? When he’s pictured Wonwoo as a constant in his life? 

It’s impossible.

“Why not… Wonwoo hyung?” Someone else asks, breaking through the fog that’s embraced them, reminding them that there was someone else in the room when Wonwoo stormed in and marched towards Soonyoung.

They tense and slowly turn to look at Minghao watching them with glassy eyes, tears down his face, arms around his legs in a protective hug.

“You should love Wonwoo hyung instead,” Minghao declares, his voice cracky with the effort not to cry. 

The young boy wipes his tears with his sleeve and decides he cannot stay there any longer, rising to his feet to walk out of the room and closing the door behind him, leaving the other two alone in the room, still hugging, still in shock. Soonyoung doesn’t process what just happened, just blinking, feeling the embarrassment and shame for having forgotten about Minghao in the room.

“He’s right,” Wonwoo speaks, breaking thorough his stupor and reaching Soonyoung, shocking him and making the plant stir inside.

It’s so sudden he chokes, petals desperate to get out so Soonyoung ends up dry heaving, his body violently spasming as he pushes Wonwoo aside to roll to the corner and get rid of the petals. As always, they come out covered in blood and it’s the first time someone aside from Minghao has actually seen him coughing petals.

“Soonyoung…” Wonwoo cries, trembling hands reach out from behind, looping around his waist and pulling him towards his chest. “Please… forget about him… get better.”

“I… I can’t,” Soonyoung breathes out, his throat sore, his whole body tired.

“Yes, you can. You can start anew, love again. With me?” Wonwoo asks with a wavering voice. His normally so deep voice is an octave higher at least, and it trembles as much as the boy himself is doing. “I can love you like you deserve. I’ll help you heal and I’ll never leave you. Just give up on him and get the surgery, please.”

“No… you don’t love me like that… Don’t… say it…” Soonyoung whines, his hands clutched to his chest because he can barely breathe, the plant inside worse than a monster, destroying him, tearing him apart because Wonwoo’s words are making it stronger, more vicious. 

“Yes, I do, Soonyoung-ah. I love you like that, for a while now. Since… since you asked me if I had someone.” Wonwoo confesses and Soonyoung cannot breathe, he’s drowning in petals he cannot even expel. “You asked and I… thought about it. I became aware?” Wonwoo sounds so unsure, so fragile as he exposes himself. “I knew you were the most special person for me… and then I realised that was also in a… romantic way.”

“No… it’s not true,” Soonyoung pants, not daring to believe it. “You… you say it because… because you want me to stop… you’re forcing yourself… don’t do it.”

Soonyoung fights to get air in his lungs, but it’s too hard and he’s getting dizzy.

“It’s true! Soonyoung, it’s true! So please, please, let go of him and let me love you. I know you don’t—” Wonwoo stops himself, body tensing, holding his breath as he realises something important. Soonyoung feels his arms hugging him tighter, pulling him even closer and he feels about to faint. “You…Soonyoung, _who_ do you love?”

Soonyoung cannot answer, he cannot see, the corners of his field of vision turning black and engulfing everything slowly.

“Do you… do you love _me?”_ Wonwoo guesses and Soonyoung makes such a choked noise it hurts him in the deepest part of his soul. He’s crying, out of fear, out of pain, out of hope. He’s crying and screaming in silence. 

Wonwoo reacts, fast and precise, pushing Soonyoung enough to manhandle him and making him turn to face him. His hands immediately grab hold of Soonyoung’s face, forcing him to focus and look at him, even when he can barely see. He’s barely holding on to consciousness, he’s slipping away and away.

“Oh God, Soonyoung, tell me… Soonyoung,” Wonwoo whimpers, his hands shaking, his eyes frantic, looking at every part of Soonyoung’s face.

Soonyoung’s lips tremble, the sobs stuck in his throat with the many petals. His eyes are filled with tears that spill at the faintest nod he manages, but it’s enough for Wonwoo to see, and now he’s also crying.

“Oh God, it’s _me_ ,” Wonwoo cries out, laughing and crying at the same time. “You love _me._ ”

Soonyoung wants to cry, wail his heart out until everything stops, but he cannot make a noise. He’s been exposed, he’s been torn open and he’s now just there, left to rot. 

“Soonyoung!” Wonwoo screams, pulling him for another hug so tight it should break Soonyoung. “I can’t believe it, it’s me, it’s _me!_ ” Wonwoo laughs, so joyful and excited. “Thank goodness, Soonyoung, because I do love you. I love you so much,” Wonwoo repeats, his voice louder and confident and when he pulls back, his hands on Soonyoung’s shoulders, keeping him close.

Soonyoung breathes in, shaky, feeble, but it’s a bit of oxygen in his lungs that take it grateful, greedily, asking for more and more. They want to keep Soonyoung alive.

“I love _you_ ,” Wonwoo insists, pointedly looking into Soonyoung’s eyes. “The same way you love me. I love you as my best friend and as more.” Wonwoo laughs again, throwing his head back in such a rich and deep sound that’s just an expression of unmeasurable delight. 

The sound soothes Soonyoung, it gives him room to breathe and it calms the plant. It finally stops moving, stops screaming, clawing him. It stops killing him and just waits for Wonwoo.

“God, I was dying thinking you loved someone else, hating myself for being jealous when you were dying and it was me… you love me,” Wonwoo repeats as if he cannot believe it himself. He looks at Soonyoung again, raising one hand to cup his face in the most loving and reverent way. “Soonyoung, I love you, I love you so much,” he insists and Soonyoung watches him leaning in and pressing his lips on his forehead, warm and so real. “And I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry for making you like this. For not telling you sooner, for letting you believe it was unrequited. I'm sorry, I’m deeply and forever sorry.”

“You… really…”

“Yes,” Wonwoo affirms, his eyes honest and confident and Soonyoung feels his heart racing, beating without pain, strong and alive, fighting back. “I really love you.”

Soonyoung cries, again, but this time is out of sheer happiness, his whole body deflating in relief as he leans forward, right in Wonwoo’s open arms. His friend holds him tightly, dearly and Soonyoung feels how the parts of his soul are being put back together, making him whole in Wonwoo’s arms. 

It doesn’t matter the misunderstandings, the pain, the agony, the sadness because Wonwoo loves him, he truly does. That’s all his plant wanted, needed. It was all Soonyoung longed for, and now he has it.

Wonwoo pushes him back, just a little bit, enough to fill Soonyoung’s face with small kisses, everywhere, in the most loving way that’s possible for a human. And soon, Soonyoung starts giggling, joy settling in and replacing the pain. Wonwoo stops when he’s almost at Soonyoung’s lips, hesitating and looking up into his eyes, with fear that asks: “is this okay?”

Soonyoung smiles and answers by pressing his own lips to Wonwoo’s, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around the other idol, firmly. Wonwoo sighs in the kiss, tilting his head and moving to be in a more comfortable angle, kissing Soonyoung back.

Soonyoung can almost hear it, the content sigh of the plant inside him, wrapping in itself, finally fully satisfied.

Wonwoo pulls away, red and shiny lips, eyes that glow with rejoice.

“You taste like blood,” he mutters with a grin and Soonyoung laughs out loud, right and full of life as he hasn’t felt in so long. 

Wonwoo’s grin becomes a full on dashing smile and he ends up laughing along, while he wipes the corners’s of Soonyoung’s eyes, kissing the tears away.

“You’ll be fine now, right?” Wonwoo asks, his eyes clouding with worry for a heartbeat.

“Yes,” Soonyoung promises because he feels it. The plant is inside, but it’s calm, it’s satisfied. It won’t hurt him and it’ll slowly disappear. He just knows it, as he knew it was there, his monster, before everyone told him. “Yes,” he repeats. “I’ll be perfectly fine, Wonwoo-yah.”


End file.
